This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.
Midlife. The word alone gets a bad rap. We’re conditioned to think of this period as a period of slowing down. Fading out. Admitting that our best years are behind us.
But we’re not buying it.
At Xanadu, we see women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond paddling out, catching waves and getting stronger with every session. So when we connected with Inessa, co-founder of Sassy Silver Surfers, we knew we had to talk.
She started surfing at 50 and hasn’t looked back. What followed was a real, honest conversation about reframing midlife wellness, rewriting the narrative and choosing strength over decline.
Here’s what she had to say.
Q. Hey, Inessa. Thanks for taking the time to talk with us. Can you please introduce yourself to our readers and tell us a little about Sassy Silver Surfers?
I started surfing a month before I turned 50. It was August 2020. Trails were closed, I was bored and a friend invited me to a surf lesson.
I’d never imagined I’d surf, especially not at my age, but I said yes.
I was scared of waves because I’d had a bad experience in a shorebreak years earlier. But we went out in small surf, I got a push and I stood up. It wasn’t as scary as I thought. So I kept going. A few more lessons and I bought a used board.
A couple of years in, I longed for community and the feeling that I wasn’t alone learning to surf in my 50s. I met Lisa Alfano in a women’s surf discussion group and together we started Sassy Silver Surfers, a community for older women surfers.
We began with a closed Facebook group. Later, I expanded to Instagram to share what’s possible in midlife and beyond.
Q. When you hear the phrase “midlife wellness”, what does that actually mean to you?
Honestly, it just means wellness, like it does at any age. Women in midlife can be just as strong, fit and stoked as younger women.
I see women well past what we’d call midlife in their 60s, 70s and 80s still going strong. The focus should simply be on wellness. And we can cultivate it at any age.
The only difference is that in midlife it becomes more intentional. It becomes a priority, as it should.
Q. Why do you think we’ve been taught to see midlife as a slow decline instead of a fresh chapter?
Our culture is youth-centric. We overvalue looks and undervalue depth.
As women approach midlife, they buy into the story that their best years are over just because they’re no longer young-looking.
The truth is, if you don’t move, you decline. In the past, when exercise wasn’t central to midlife culture, decline became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women believed they would slow down and they did. They lost strength, slowed down more and the cycle continued.
That’s what we saw around us. When decline is all you see, you don’t realise another path exists.
But times are changing. We’re seeing more midlife women getting stronger, trying new things and having the best time of their lives.
Q. Was there a moment in your own life when you thought “Hang on… midlife doesn’t have to look like everyone says it should”?
It happened gradually while I was learning to surf in my 50s. It took longer than I’d like to admit but I got better and stronger. It was the opposite of decline.
What truly shifted things was meeting women in their 70s who surfed or long-distance cycled far better than I did.
Women are more susceptible to negative stereotyping. Research shows that. So we need role models. When we see older women doing things we admire, we think, I can do that too!
Q. How has movement (and surfing in particular) changed the way you experience getting older?
I’m stronger at 55 than I was at 35 because I wasn’t active back then.
I was a bookworm and a PhD researcher sitting at a computer all day. I started moving later in life and my fitness has improved ever since.
So far, 55 has been amazing. I do hobbies I love. I’m less stressed about money and career. I’ve finished raising my son. I have time for creative projects like Instagram and writing my book.
This is my time!
When I was younger, someone told me your 50s are the best decade. I didn’t believe it. Now I do.
A friend says her 60s were the best. Pam, whose story I’ve shared, says she’s happier in her 70s than her 60s. There’s hope beyond your 50s.
The biggest shift is that the dread of aging is mostly gone. Not completely. We’re all going to die one day and that’s still uncomfortable. But getting older can be just as fun, maybe even better, than being young.
Q. What do you wish more women understood about their bodies during midlife?
We’ve all heard “use it or lose it.” I don’t like it. Not because it’s untrue but because it’s fear-based. We’re told to move because we’re afraid of losing something.
I prefer this: the more we move, the stronger we become.
That’s hope-based. It reminds us that strength is inevitable when we move. And that applies at any age.
Midlife has challenges including menopause. But our bodies don’t suddenly become fragile. If we nourish them, rest properly and move joyfully, they become more comfortable to live in.
What fascinates me is that as we grow physically stronger, we grow more confident. And happier. That feels inevitable too.
Q. A lot of women feel disconnected from their bodies in their 40s and 50s. Where do you think that comes from?
Another pet peeve of mine is modern exercise culture.
When I was younger, I exercised because I thought I should. It was always a struggle. But when I found something I loved, everything changed.
Now I don’t exercise. I can’t wait to surf. I got fit because I found something I genuinely enjoy and want to do often.
I wish someone had told me earlier to find movement I truly love, ideally with people I enjoy. We’re designed for joyful movement in community. That’s real wellness.
But we lose our sense of play.
Midlife can be demanding. Kids, careers and responsibilities leave little time for ourselves. Play takes a back seat, sometimes it’s not even in the car. That’s why we disconnect.
We must prioritise our happiness and wellbeing first… like putting on your own oxygen mask.
Ask yourself, “What makes me feel alive”? Then do more of that. That’s how we reconnect with joy, community and our bodies.
Q. What does real strength look like in midlife and how’s it different from the version we chased in our 20s?
In our 20s, strength was often beauty-based. Looking ripped, being attractive, being desirable.
In midlife, strength is about freedom. Freedom to enjoy hobbies, go on adventures and stay healthy enough to play with grandkids.
Q. If a woman is reading this and secretly thinking, “It’s too late for me to try surfing!”, what would you say to her?
It might sound like self-promotion but I’d tell her to visit my Instagram page and read the stories of women starting to surf in their 50s, 60s and 70s.
That’s why I share them. To show what’s possible.
If they can do it, you can too.
